what I said versus what they heard…

What I said:
We’re leaving in ten minutes
What Kiddo#2 heard:
Do nothing, and in ten minutes, be stunned that we’re leaving.

What I said:
Get your karate uniform–we’re leaving in ten minutes.
What Kiddo#1 heard:
Give me five reasons why you don’t need to go to karate, why we don’t need to leave yet, and why I’m a bad mom.

What I said:
We’re leaving in ten minutes.
What Kiddo#3 heard:

What I said:
Kiddo#2! We’re leaving–go use the bathroom!
What Kiddo#2 heard:
Go use the bathroom, but it’s okay to wander around in bare feet.

What I said:
Kiddo#1! Breakfast!
What Kiddo# heard:
We’ve been up for half an hour and have been busy setting the table. I asked what you wanted to eat. The coffee maker beeped and the toaster popped. Everyone is gathered in the kitchen but you, and we called you for breakfast, but it’s actually a clever trick to fool you. You can defeat our nefarious purpose by sitting on the couch continuing to read, and we’ll be powerless to defend against you!

What I said:
If you want a stuffed animal, go in your room and get it.
What Kiddo#3 heard:
I will never let you have a stuffed animal again in your life.

What I said:
Kiddo#1, you need to practice your saxophone.
What Kiddo#1 heard:
Kiddo#1, I want you to put flaming hot coals to your lips and sit on broken glass for twenty minutes.

What I said:
You need to clean this room.
What Kiddo#2 heard:
You need to stand in this room staring at the ceiling.

What I said:
…anything at all…
What Kiddo#3 heard:
It’s time to have fun, so do whatever you like.

What I said:
Shh! We need to be quiet in church!
What Kiddo#3 heard:
Tell me in a very loud voice how quiet you’re being at church.

What I said:
Here, put away your laundry.
What Kiddo#1 heard:
I’ve sold you into indentured servitude, but don’t worry because it will only be for ten years.

What I said:
Quit shouting at each other!
What they all heard:
Tell me why your brother/sister/other is evil and has wronged you irreparably, and do it at top volume so I can hear you over your brother’s/sister’s/other’s story

What my Patient Husband said:
Sweetie, I don’t mean to complain, but there are four loads of unfolded laundry, and no one has any socks.
What I heard:
I love you. Go write a weblog entry.

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About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
This entry was posted in kiddos, sarcasm. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to what I said versus what they heard…

  1. Barbara says:

    I should write one like this, but meanwhile, can I post a link to it on my blog and invite all my friends to visit over here?

  2. philangelus says:

    Sure thing! We love visitors. :-) (We love when they stick around even more.)

  3. Barbara says:

    I just re-read this. It’s as funny now as it was then. I really should write one myself!

  4. redfear says:

    too funny; too true!

  5. Valerie says:

    This is awesome! My kiddos aren’t as old as yours but I can already relate to a LOT of these!

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