Signs that you are a modern mystic October 14, 2009Posted by philangelus in religion, sarcasm.
Oh boy…because I needed to do more time in Purgatory.
- In the middle of your vision of Heaven, you think, “I should totally blog about this!”
- Jesus tells you that with the gift of His Mercy, all your sins will come up “404 Not Found.”
- When under spiritual attack, you ask if you can download updates to the graces God gave you.
- You ask the Virgin Mary for her email address, and she says, “Sure, but I have it automated to forward to my Son.”
- After your guardian angel gives you a vision of the place he first met you, you verify it via Google search (oh, wait…)
- Instead of saying “Scripture says,” you can paraphrase and link to eight different translations.
- You ask if Jesus would like to be interviewed on your podcast.
- Instead of the Interior Castle, you write a document about your internal architecture and organize a design review.
- Human nature isn’t fallen; it has “bugs.”
- Direct attacks by Satan have no effect because after watching dozens of Hollywood films, you’re mentally calculating his special effects budget.
- You’ve read thirteen self-help books to rule out any kind of psychological diagnosis to explain your experiences.
- Your guardian angel’s blackberry has a program that plots your trajectory toward Heaven in realtime.
- Not only that, but he uses your computer to join a support group.
- You plan on live-Tweeting the Second Coming.
- You know your salvation is assured when Jesus friends you on facebook.