Shady underworld names March 22, 2010Posted by philangelus in sarcasm.
My Patient Husband and I were discussing, on the way to church of all places, what it would be like to have a secret underworld name.
I’ve noticed that in fiction, you can call your bad underworld guy just about anything as long as you put “The” in front of it. You can do it with your good guy too. Just try it: pick a shady-sounding noun and insert it into this sentence:
“I’m not the one who wants to kill you. I’m acting on orders of The _______.”
“I have an offer for you from The __________.”
“When The ________ comes to town, you’d better have the money.”
It makes things sound more desperate than if someone slipped up beside you in a bar and whispered, “I’m here because Mitchell sent me.” Right?
Some of us have internet handles that would work nicely (check out my comment box: The Mystery Nurse? The Cricket? The NiceWarner? We here at 7A4K1F are replete with superheroes and underworld figures.) Others would be easy to assign a name. Ivy could easily be The Purl or The Stitch. (Scary! “I spoke to The Stitch. She is displeased with that dye job. Very displeased, if you know what I mean.”)
But my Patient Husband and I weren’t coming up with our own Shady Underworld Names(tm) and that was a bummer. Until I called him The Geek.
The Geek would have an underground lair full of computers. His very office would have three computers on the same desk, and — Oh. Uh. Ah-heh. Sorry.
But he’d have a ton of electronic equipment, and you could easily imagine it was surveillance equipment and mysterious hacker stuff. I have no idea what underworld business he’d be taking care of (who has the time?) but boy, would it be well-organized and well-documented!
Later I was thinking, you don’t need “The” at the beginning of the name. Remember that New York bookie, Jimmy The Greek?
I hereby dub my shady underworld husband Jimmy The Geek. I think he’ll like it. What about you?