I have a Great Bridge to sell you! June 29, 2013Posted by philangelus in Biking, sarcasm.
Tags: bridges, small town
My long-form bike ride takes me through three towns in 8 miles because, well, it’s the Swamp. You get to enjoy views like this:
And then sometimes you come across a bridge, like this one:
Lovely bridge, right? It’s the border between Angelborough and the Next Town Over. Every town should be proud to have one of these! But wait…? What is that?
Great Bridge? GREAT BRIDGE?!?
Boy is my face red! I always thought when they talked about The Great Bridge, they meant this one:
Instead, no, the Great Bridge is this (cropped to show entire greatness):
Try to hold your applause until the end, folks. Because not only do you get a Great Bridge, but you get a Great View as well! To your left, we have the Swamp.
And to your right, you have the Great Railway, the one of the unmarked railroad crossings right through the center of Angelborough, where the guy walks ahead of the train to manually stop traffic on the occasions a train actually uses them:
Try to hold back your gasps. I really live in an amazing place, don’t I? The kind of place that fills you with awe and wonder. Wonder such as, “Why the heck did they call this the Great Bridge?” Wonder such as, “I wonder whether Angelborough or Next Town Over is responsible for this?” And then a sly tiny smile when you wonder if maybe the responsible party wasn’t, just a little bit, deep in his heart, a sarcastic New Yorker transplant like yourself.
But the mysteries don’t end there. Can anyone help me? Several times in the woods, I’ve biked past this kind of tree:
What is that?
Witness Post? They’re not just on the Angelborough borders. They’re way back in The Creepy Zone as well. They make me think about Melissa Ethredge’s song where she says she’ll meet you by the Witness Tree. Any guesses?
Personally, I think its proximity to the Great Bridge is not a coincidence. The bridge is just so great that it needs a tree standing by to constantly witness its greatness. And you’ll never convince me otherwise.