I’m Amish August 12, 2013Posted by philangelus in family, sarcasm.
Kiddo#2 went on a week-long trip with her cousins, and she’s learned we’re Amish.
I should have realized long before now, but I guess I was too busy reading books on my ereader to notice how I’ve rejected technology. Maybe I’ll go watch some youtube videos about the Amish in order to fully embrace the culture I never knew I had.
What happened is this: my daughter turned down the offer to blow-dry her hair.
I don’t own a hair dryer. I don’t like them. I hate the noise. I hate the weight of them. I hate the heat on my face. I hate the fact that no matter how I do it, my hair never looks any different if it’s blow-dried versus air-dried. Plus, I’ve never gotten past the idea that those glowing coils in the mouth of the dryer are going to spontaneously erupt in flames and incinerate me in my own personal hand-held flame thrower of cosmetic doom.
Therefore when my last hair dryer went bust about fifteen years ago, I never replaced it.
My mother blow-dried my daughter’s hair last year (I believe the past tense, according to my high school best friend Joanne, is blew-drew) and she didn’t like it any more than I do. So when her aunt made the offer, she said no.
And my brother said, “You know, you can do whatever you like at home. You can throw chicken bones over your shoulder if you like. But here, we’re a little less Amish.”
My Patient Husband said, “It’s because you don’t own a cell phone.”
(I do own a cell phone. I pay $.25 per call as if I’m hauling my own personal pay phone, and if you dial the number, my voicemail says, “This number is never answered and this voicemail is never listened-to. Please call my home number or send me an email.”)
He added, “And our television isn’t hooked up to cable or satellite.”
Yeah, but we get DVDs from the library, and we’re currently downloading episodes of Doctor Who from iTunes. Do the Amish do that?
But I bake my own bread sometimes. And I knit socks. Last month, I learned to use a canner.
It must be true. I’m Amish. And my first thought was, “I have to blog about this.”