Fun with insanity

We’ve already established on this weblog that I’m a touch crazy. I’ll show you just how crazy I really am.

In the past, the only times I’ve been involved in car accidents have been when I’m pregnant with a boy. It’s gotten to the point where, when a woman pulled out in front of my car last January, my Patient Husband only said, “Of course. She’s pregnant, so someone had to hit her car.”

It’s been consistent. Twelve weeks pregnant with Kiddo#1, I was stopped at a red light when two sixteen-year-olds rear-ended me going thirty-five miles per hour. (They were late for school, so they did what anyone would do, and stopped at Dunkin Donuts. I wish I were making that up.)

Twelve weeks pregnant with Kiddo#3, two sixteen-year-olds pulled out from an intersection right into the side of our car. Again, the driver was so new that she didn’t even have her permanent license yet, and in her case, she was clearly looking at her friends three blocks away rather than at the big blue minivan of doom right in front of her.

Seven months pregnant with Kiddo#4, someone pulled out in front of my car, and didn’t bother turning her head to see the big blue minivan of doom.

All of these accidents have left me unhurt (although my guardian had a heck of a time keeping me from being killed with the first one) but I’m convinced that something evil wants to kill my children and gets one shot at it before birth. But only my boys.

Two weeks ago, on the way to Vacation Bible School, I stopped at a right-turn-on-red in order to let an ambulance pass us. Because, you see, it’s “right turn on red after stop, if no one else is coming.” It’s not “right turn on red regardless,” although many people seem to think that’s how it works.

I had the thought, “I’m going to get rear-ended,” but then both I and the car behind me were not moving as we waited for a green light, so I didn’t think of it again.

Until the behind-me driver accelerated from a dead stop in order to rear-end my car.

I checked out all four Kiddos, made sure they were okay, exchanged information, and made sure the cars were both driveable. They were. No one was hurt, but I brought the baby to the pediatrician just to make sure, and then went to my doctor to document mild whiplash. Went home and filed a claim. Then got on one of my message boards and vented.Β 

But at the end of the post I laughed and said, “Before now, the only times I’ve been in an accident have been when I’ve been pregnant.”

People began posting in telling me to take a pregnancy test.

Perfectly normal, sane people became very, very urgent: I must go pee on a stick. I HAD to do it. My unborn baby’s life depended on it.

I assured them I could not be pregnant. They insisted. I told someone in real life, and she got a panicked expression: I must take a pregnancy test!

My response: until I take a pregnancy test, I cannot be pregnant, since I won’t have tested positive. Once I take it, I might be pregnant. In order not to be pregnant, I shouldn’t test.

The posters on the message board referred to this as a “Schroedinger’s pregnancy,” and then came up with their own stories of strange coincidences, and urged me again to test.

That night, I told my Patient Husband what they’d said. He turned to me in panic and said, “You can’t say something like that and then not take a test!”

My Patient Husband is ordinarily the sanest person on the planet. I blame the cloud of pheromones that must have been swirling around me for intoxicating him into a state of holy terror. While I blinked, he said, “Can you go buy a test?”

I said, “Well, I have a test –”

He said, “Then go take it!”

So I went and did the POAS test.

It’s negative.

Apparently it is possible to be in a car accident without being pregnant. Who knew?

About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
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19 Responses to Fun with insanity

  1. blueraindrop says:

    maybe the other driver is pregnant? lol

  2. ivyreisner says:

    The human tendency to pattern-match is just amazing. Sometimes it’s useful. “The last time I ate this berry I got sick, so I’m not eating this berry any more.” Sometimes it’s destructive. “The last time I met someone from that group he was dishonest, so I’m not trusting anyone from this group anymore.” Sometimes it’s just funny. “The BM1 came, and then the BM2, so the BM3 must be next.” Forget that there are four more BM1s and two more BM2s on the line, because of a greater ridership.

  3. xdpaul says:

    Maybe it was just a make-up wreck for the miss on #2. I think you are just being silly and superstitious about the accidents only coming for boys. The scientific evidence seems to indicate that there is a kid-to-wreck ratio of 1:1. The only gender influence is that with girls, the troubles come later. I think that applies to more than the CWPT (Car Wreck Pregnancy Test.)

  4. philangelus says:

    I didn’t have a car accident with Emily Rose, either, but I think that’s because the enemy already knew she was going to die, so why waste a perfectly good car accident?

    BTW, I’ve heard the opposite, that girls cause you trouble before they’re born (more morning sickness) and boys cause it afterward. πŸ™‚

    blueraindrop, when the woman pulled out in front of me this January, she was pregnant too. Imagine all those hormones flying around! And yet we were perfectly civil. πŸ™‚

  5. knit_tgz says:

    Hm, my mother says she had more morning sickness with my brother BECAUSE it was a boy.

    But in all honesty, with that story I was expecting (sad pun, I know) you to be pregnant.

    And FWIW, this is not so superstitious as it seems. The scientific method is precisely like this: notice a pattern, see if it is reproducible (another very sad pun, I know). If yes, keep experimenting until you have a large enough set of data. You just reached that important experimental result that shows the theory to be wrong or in need of improvement! πŸ˜‰

  6. karen ^.,.^ says:

    could you not be far enough along in the pregnancy for the test to be accurate yet? just a thought…

  7. Kit says:

    Well….it’s not positive YET. I took 2 tests and was soundly berated by a Navy doc when my 10 y/o was about 3-4 weeks in utero. I told him I was very sure, and had to negotiate my way to the lab for bloodwork. While I waited for the results, I prayed to my guardian angel – and hers – to protect the little life within, if there was one. I felt an inexplicable warmth, tingling, vibrancy…and absolute certainty.

    He came out with the blood and urine results and and told me I was definitely NOT pregnant, my headache and nausea must be stress-related (last semester of law school) and sent me home. I looked him in the eye (ok, maybe a glare) and said “You’re wrong. See you in a week.” He rolled his eyes and walked out.

    The next week, I was back, got positive results, said “I TOLD YOU SO” and walked out on him, never to return to that clinic.

    The rest is history.

    So….check again in a week unless nature tells you differently, my friend! πŸ˜‰

  8. philangelus says:

    You’re all in cahoots to drive me completely insane, aren’t you? πŸ™‚

  9. Jenni says:

    Yes, it’s more fun that way. πŸ˜€
    Glad you’re okay, though.

  10. philangelus says:

    Terrific. My life is entertainment. Oh wait: that’s the whole POINT of a weblog. πŸ˜‰

    My basal temperatures are nice and low right now, which I’d expect while nursing a baby. If you guys keep making me crazy, I’ll test again, but then maybe I need to ask the insurance company to reimburse me for two POAS tests. πŸ™‚

  11. karen ^.,.^ says:

    or you could just go ahead and assume the car accident was your positive test and just start planning from here? by the way, glad you weren’t injured.

  12. philangelus says:

    I’ll just assume the due-date is nine months from the time the car got hit…?

    Hmm… what do you think of the name Philip for a boy?

  13. philangelus says:

    It just occurred to me that if the woman who hit my car is reading this, she’s probably got her jaw in her lap and wishing she never learned to drive.

  14. ivyreisner says:

    I like Philip. That was my dad’s name (first, not the remarriage from Hell). Gotta dig out the baby blue yarn.

  15. knit_tgz says:

    Hm, Phillip is nice. In fact, Filipe is a pretty name for when I have a boy (some day in a distant future). Though, if God allows me to have children, I have a not-so-secret dream that the first would be a boy and named Pedro πŸ™‚

    But I agree with a previous commenter: maybe the other driver is pregnant. Was the other driver a woman?

  16. philangelus says:

    The other driver was a woman, but I’ve googled her and her profile on one of the networking sites says she wants to have kids in the future, not that she’s currently having kids.

  17. blueraindrop says:

    name the kid after the type of car involved.

  18. CricketB says:

    Maybe her “want to have kids in the future” will soon be outdated?

    Glad you’re not hurt!

    Meanwhile, wait a month and test again.

  19. Pingback: A Good Baby « Seven angels, four kids, one family

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