It’s all good

Last week, I was dealing with some emotional/spiritual issues, and at one point, they made me scared.

They’re not really the kind of things I can just talk to anyone for help. When I needed to know what 11 year old boys wear to sleepover parties, that I just asked on an online forum. But this was personal and spiritual, and I wasn’t sure what to do.

So I wrote about it in my journal. I prayed, and then I wrote.

Now, I don’t like the whole idea of “automatic writing.” I’m not talking about free-association writing, where you just let your subconscious go where it will. What I mean is the kind of practice where you open yourself spiritually and let something outside you begin writing. People really get hooked on that kind of practice, and I believe that it does open a person up to negative influence. If your handwriting changes and you begin writing in words you would never use otherwise, it’s probably best to stop doing it, burn the journal, and find an exorcist.

So I don’t do that, but I do believe sometimes God influences me while I’m writing. I feel closest to God when I’m writing fiction, God as Creator and me as little-creator, and that carries over when I’m writing in the journal. A lot of times, I feel I realize new things or understand old things better when I’ve written them out.

It might just be that once I’ve “fixed” it in ink, the situation doesn’t look so scary. Heck, it’s only one or two pages: who couldn’t handle two pages?

Anyhow, last week, I prayed and I got my journal and I wrote a couple of pages about what was bothering me. Although you’ll never believe this, sometimes in my journal, I get long-winded. This time, though, I suddenly felt I had written enough.

Then I knew, it was time to end the entry, and this was what I needed to write:

There is nothing to fear. It’s all good.

It didn’t come from me, not really. The whole entry arose from my fear and the feeling that it wasn’t good. And here, in front of me, was exactly what I’d needed to hear.

There is nothing to fear. It’s all good.

And in retrospect, a week later, I see that it’s true. It’s all good. I didn’t need to be afraid.


About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
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3 Responses to It’s all good

  1. Judy says:

    I have found that journaling can be the means God uses to quiet the voices in my head that won’t shut up, especially when I’ve been through a tramatic experience.

    Last fall, two times about a month apart, my usual train home from work hit cars that crossed the tracks. Three people died in the crashes (in the cars, no one on the train was physically injured). My journals of the incidents, especially after the 2nd crash, allowed the healing to start and the constant replay to finally stop.

    I fully believe that God uses our writings to move us along.

  2. Cricket says:

    I’m the opposite. I once spent 30,000 words over a month (most of my waking hours either writing or thinking about it). I finally realized my journal was actually enabling my obsession with how bad I felt rather than helping, and kicked the habit. The healing started when I threw it in a box and decided to get on with my life. I suspect I wasn’t doing it right, but after that experience I won’t use it except under supervision. I talk to my husband instead, who listens just the right amount.

  3. philangelus says:

    I’ve had it go both ways.

    As a fiction writer, I’m more used to the idea of “Churn the scene and build it better until you’ve written it, and then it vanishes.”

    But there have been situations where I just obsess over one situation until it becomes a problem, and then I have to (as you say) throw the journal in a box and start moving forward. In fact, moving did exactly that for me because my journals got packed into the portable storage unit and I didn’t have access to re-read them for about five months. I’ve realized that the journal entries about one particular subject are like poison to my heart, so I need to avoid reading them for now.

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