Subject: Make it stop! Make it stop!
Guys, I need some serious help here. My charge got a CD player for her seventh birthday, and last night she picked up her mother’s copy of the Mary Poppins soundtrack. Since then, she’s played “Supercalafragilisticexplialidocious” twenty-two times. It ends, and she arrows back to the beginning of the song and just starts it over again. I hear about two-tenths of a second of “Stay Awake” and then we’re off to the races again.
I can’t cope any longer! What do I do now?
(PS: It’s 23 times now.)
Subject: re: Make it stop! Make it stop!
I know we live in the same household, but I’m posting this to the list because it’s such a common problem. You will be relieved (?) to know that your charge’s mother did the same thing when she was two years old. With a record player. For eight hours straight. By the time she was done, I wanted to go back in time and divert Gilbert O’Sullivan’s soul so he’d be born two centuries from now, prevent him from meeting Claire, and instruct a recording executive that what he really wanted to do with his musical talent was study Hungarian opera.
That’s cold comfort, but you’re not alone in this. At least the child comes by it honestly.
I begged God for deafness. I figured that would solve all my problems, but God in His Infinite Wisdom refused. You understand now why, thirteen years later, when my charge read in a book that angels are incapable of suffering, I exclaimed, “What the heck are they talking about?”
On the plus side, while she’s listening, she won’t undergo any temptations because the demons don’t like listening to it any more than you do.
I did try to turn it into a prayerful experience. Somehow. I rewrote the words in my head. I promised myself it wouldn’t last for all eternity, although around the fifth hour I wasn’t sure any longer. And finally, at the end of it all, I realized why silence is considered a virtue.
The skills you pick up now will help in the future when she develops a crush on some no-talent boy-band. At least the Mary Poppins soundtrack was written by clever musicians, not just highly paid cute ones.
I do recommend you NOT try to skip the CD or shut it off mid-play. She’ll only start it up again and double your frustration.
Hang in there. When you need to, come to one of us and scream, although I doubt you’ll be able to find any takers if you ask for babysitting relief. (Sorry. I love you like a brother, but … Sorry.)
PS: It occurs to me that if you ever get on my nerves, I could just have my charge hand your charge her ABBA Gold CD. I really think she’d like “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do,” don’t you?