My dear brother: I’m sorry

My very dear brother:

I was so glad when you gave us a list of Christmas gifts we could get your children. They were terrific categories, and we wrote down everything you suggested. Things like “Dinosaurs” and “Hannah Montana.”

And lo, I have shopped, and lo, gifts have been purchased.

But for your littlest one, she of the clever eyes and quick hands, she of the silent footsteps who absolutely made me laugh until I cried when I found she’d made soup out of the cat food and the cat’s water dish, for her you only said, “She loves things that are loud and destructive.”

Ruefully, you added, “Get her a jackhammer.”

And again, my Patient Husband and I laughed.

Yesterday, when I was shopping, I found this:

There in Target I stood, toy in hand, pressing the button to make the jackhammer do its thing (jacking?) and I put it in the cart. Then I took it out again. I looked at my previous choice for your littlest one. I pressed the button again. I put it back in the cart. I took it out again.

Eventually I decided it would really be more a gift for you than for your littlest one. So I’m sorry, dear brother, but I didn’t get your littlest one the gift you had specified for her.

Instead, I got her something even louder.

Please give my love to your beautiful wife. She deserved a far better sister-in-law than she got.

Love,

Me

PS: I also resisted the urge to buy her the toy chain saw.

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About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
This entry was posted in family, sarcasm. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to My dear brother: I’m sorry

  1. blueraindrop says:

    do they happen to keeps their gifts under the tree before time? where you could discretely sneak in a jackhammer with no “from” specified… to surprise the dear brother who knows he didn’t buy her that.. so she gets both the present to her, and the present for daddy through her, without the others being jealous….

  2. Cricket says:

    My family tradition is for grandparents to give drums at first opportunity. Something about passing along the pain.

  3. philangelus says:

    Only one time have I deliberately looked for the loudest toy I could find. Only once. (But the kid loved the toy, in all fairness.)

    And I could do that, blueraindrop, except now I can’t because my brother will know. Either that, or all my relatives (well, those who read here) will each think it’s a great idea and the kid will get six jackhammers. πŸ˜€

  4. Cricket says:

    I take it that would include your own kids getting six jackhammers each? (If you want some variety, Fisher Price Poppers and Bob the Builder Chain Saws are also good.)

  5. philangelus says:

    I bought my own son a toy drill. Does that inoculate us against getting a ton of jackhammers and chain saws?

  6. Cricket says:

    When daughter was 3, she wrapped Daddy up in blanket and drilled his head. We finally realize she was blowdrying it.

  7. fwtallgirl says:

    When I saw the image, I knew I should either stop eating or stop reading. Instead, I kept eating and reading at the same time… and choked on my french fries. Thanks!! πŸ™‚

  8. Rashea says:

    My friend once told me that I couldn’t get her kids anything that made noise. After looking long and hard I got them a ball pit (like this one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3331841). They loved it. And it didn’t make noise. Of course, they made noise while playing with it!

  9. Pingback: Seven children « Seven angels, four kids, one family

  10. Pingback: Prayer request « Seven angels, four kids, one family

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