Give me the moon

It’s a running joke that I think my guardian angel hung the moon. This is what happens when you’re sixteen and it feels like an angel has taken an interest in you.

The last time I said that, I imagined the response, “Well, actually, just the quarter moon.”

A lot of women have trouble asking for what they want or what they need, and I’m no different. I’d rather do it myself than impose on someone else to do something for me. Whether it’s pride, fear of being weak, or low self-esteem, I’m not sure. But it’s difficult to ask for help  even though I tell other people all the time that there’s nothing shameful. As a mother, it disturbs me when my kids could ask for help and instead struggle with something easy for me.

I assume my guardian feels the same way when I struggle with something that’s impossible for me but easy for an angel. On the other hand, I need to stand before God and take responsibility for myself, my soul, my decisions. We know my guardian passed the test; now it’s my turn.

One night, I was thinking how difficult it is to ask for things, and then I thought, I could get around that by asking for something impossible. I laughed to myself and thought to my guardian, “I want the moon. Change the color of the moon to purple for me.”

I thought I felt a startled response.

Smiling, I explained about the impossible thing, how if I knew the answer was no, then I could feel free to ask, and maybe that would help break the block. So I got silly: make it striped. Then I went really ridiculous: make it plaid to match my pajamas.

My guardian angel puts up with a lot from me.

That was February  13th, 2008. February 20th, 2008 ended up being a lunar eclipse.

At about 10:40 that night, I awoke and felt a push: go look at the moon. I crept out of bed and snuck across the house, slipped into the kitchen and looked out at the moon, my red full moon.

I was wearing red pajamas, to match.

My Patient Husband says the moon would have turned red anyhow, but I don’t know. Maybe my guardian angel did give me the moon.