Since May or thereabouts, I’ve had no knitting mojo whatsoever. I don’t know why. I finished the last thing I made back then — a hat, I guess — and I lost all urge to knit or crochet. I worked for a while on a prayer shawl that’s been an unfinished project for two years now, but it petered out, and despite a gorgeous yarn stash, I felt no urge to knit any of it. I wanted to, but whenever I tried swatching something, I couldn’t even do that.
I’m sure this stuff goes in patterns. About a month ago, after something disappointing happened, I put some yarn on the needles and started a scarf. You can’t beat that: no swatching, just start. I had four balls of this yarn: three for the scarf, one for the hat.
I am no good at measuring balls of yarn and turning them into projects. In the final outcome, two balls became the hat. The scarf turned into a keyhole scarf, a shorter version of a scarf but with a slit so it stays tight without needing to wrap all the way around, and rather nice-looking I think.
They went into a baggie, got tagged with care instructions, and then I froze solid. I knew where I wanted to donate them (they’re going to a homeless shelter because they’re nice and warm) but just like last year, I was afraid. And it makes no sense, because all I’m going to do is drop the things in a bin at a neighboring parish.
The thing I’ve realized is that I hate for people to suffer, and I similarly hate the idea that I’ve helped these people. It’s a tragedy that someone should be so badly off that he or she cannot afford a hat and a scarf, that someone cannot find a place to live, that someone who wants to work cannot get a job. These things are wrong. And in the face of such hardship…I made a hat. Hooray, we’re saved.
When I knit, I pray for the recipient (which is why it’s so hard to knit for myself) and I pray this person’s life will turn around, that when he or she puts on this hat and scarf, the wearer will feel loved. Will know that God loves him and that the world is not entirely cold. Let that hat on his head be a blessing and the scarf on his shoulders be a hug.
God will bless this person. I have nothing more to do with it once the items are in the bin. And yet, I still feel shaken because in a very tiny way, God will have used my work to bless this person, and that Creator-to-creature relationship is not something I deserved to be a part of at all.