I’ve begun putting some of my Wittenburg Door pieces online over at my other website, since I have reprint rights. While I was going through my files, I found two that never went anywhere.
The second is a group of want-ads that I never finished, and since the Door is now on indefinite hiatus, never will be since no one else prints their gonzo-type humor (which was, alas, perfect for me.) So I’ll put a few of the sillier ones below, and if you want to post your own want ads, go ahead and do it in the comment box.
WANTED: Twelve men to study under itinerant preacher. Fishermen preferred. Financial experience not necessary but a plus. Excellent health benefits. Loaves and fish provided. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
WANTED: Married male to become father of nation. Must be willing to travel. Age not a factor. Email email@example.com
WANTED: approximately four billion angels for service of indeterminate time period. Must have experience in psychology, theology, biology, nutrition, and human behavior management. Battle experience a must. On-the-job training provided. Email firstname.lastname@example.org
LOST: Two unicorns, one male and one female. Reward offered. Email Noah@heavenlyhost.el.