My submission got placed online at My OB said WHAT?! (an online collection of the idiotic, cruel and deceitful things some birth practitioners will say to pregnant moms.)
The doctor who said that to us was an awful person, and over time I’ve realized I need to forgive her, probably pray for her (and honestly, after ten years she may have grown a little) but it’s still tough. One of the bereavement books said, writing to doctors and midwives, that the five minutes after a parent finds out about an infant loss determine whether the patient remains with the practice for the next pregnancy: that’s how much those memories get burned into our psyches.
The doctor made it clear that she wanted us to terminate the pregnancy even though I had made it clear we had no desire to do so. She leveraged anything she could in order to change my mind, including the comment I submitted there (trying to frighten me) plus other gems such as “These babies are pretty hideous” (because having a dying baby I could handle, but having an ugly baby would be intolerable?) and “If you nurse her even once, your period might not return for a year” (ie, you may not be able to replace the defective fetus soon enough for you. When I pointed out I was still nursing my oldest and had no problems getting pregnant, she said, “Every pregnancy is different.” Thanks.)
Oh, and she also told me it was “completely unreasonable to want to hold her after birth.”
Thank God for my midwives (same practice) who were reality-based and had no problems giving excellent prenatal care and delivering Emily with love. The size of the casket shouldn’t dictate the size of a doctor’s caring.
You can read Emily’s story online if you want to.