seasons

Recently I’ve been thinking about life more in terms of seasons than of permanency.

Whether it’s that I’m getting older I’m not sure, but I’ve stopped reacting to situations as if they’re the permanent state of being. I’m feeling more of a surety of the passing of time, in other words. That whatever problem is bothering me isn’t the way it’s always going to be.

Back when I had only Kiddo#1 and Kiddo#2, for example, I was upset when I had to stop going to daily Mass because it was just impossible. I couldn’t go any longer! It was awful!

Whereas recently I’ve had to stop going to daily Mass because Kiddo#3 and Kiddo#4 make it impossible (they feed off each other) and my response was, “It will only be a year, and then I can go again.”

I’ve been telling everyone (and my Kiddos will quote me on this to random people) that because the move here was such an ugly transaction, the only way I’m leaving the Angelborough house is feet first in a plastic bag. And maybe that’s why I suddenly feel at ease about time. I find myself now saying, “But in a year — ” or “But in five years — ” and not feeling that sense of panic.

The way it is now isn’t the way it will always be. Whereas back when we lived in Angeltown, I reacted to setbacks and difficulties as if they were permanent.

My Patient Husband says he’s found a similar weathering of the spirit: that now he begins to calculate potentiality in terms of how many years he has left.

Neither of us is aged and feeble, but maybe that’s where we are: we’re cresting that halfway point in the lifespan and this is the perspective. That we’ve come to expect situations to be temporary.

I know tomorrow isn’t a promise. I’ve accepted that ever since Emily died. Maybe this is a further step toward achieving spiritual maturity, recognizing that today isn’t a constant.

Advertisements

About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
This entry was posted in pensive. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to seasons

  1. Illya says:

    I agree that as we age we see things differently…not as the catastrophe of the moment, but as part of an evolving plan. About six years ago, a major change occurred which prevented me from going to daily Mass as well. I remember sitting at the kitchen table weeping and weeping. But over time, I have come to a more serene perspective. Eveything is in the Master Paln and even if we can’t see how something fits in, it most assuredly does. There are seasons in our lives. If God gives me the grace and the tmie, then I will resume my daily Mass schedule. And, if not, then there was a reason beyond my reasoning ability why this was not in His plan.

  2. cricketB says:

    The year I went nuts (kids were 2 and 5, 14 kid-related trips per week, often a trip would involve two or three stops), Dad said, “It will settle down once the kids are in regular school.” He was right. Then I looked at Mom. Some seasons she juggled many things, other seasons she had free time.

    We need to know when a season should end. It’s too easy to continue to skip things (Daily Mass, studying, aerobics) even after it’s possible to start them again. It’s the same with kids. Yes, potty-mouth is a phase; most outgrow it. However, some parental intervention is required or the phase doesn’t end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s