My mouth got me in trouble

Back when Kiddo#1 was just a tiny baby, I’d sing him rude songs to put him to sleep. He was only a month or so old, and he didn’t care whether I sang Frere Jacques or We’re All Here To Drink The Whiskey, so why not sing whichever came to mind? I was sleep-deprived and new to the whole mom-thing. By the time he grew old enough to understand me, I’d switched to The Alphabet Song and other G-rated fare.

Other than the time I sang the Bourbon song, and he repeated it that night. It’s a good thing my Patient Husband is so Patient.

We’ve entered a new realm, though. I now have to watch what I say rather than just slipping in puns and satiric remarks.

Kiddo#1 said something about studying Ancient Greece in school. When he mentioned Socrates, I replied with “So-Crates.”

My Patient Husband laughed. I laughed.

A full minute of silence later, Kiddo#1 said in a voice tinged with horror, “Mom, when a Greek name ends in ES, it’s pronounced ‘ease’.”

I said, “No!” and laughed, and he said, even more worried, “Didn’t you know that?”

I explained to him about fine film-making and Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and how the two guys always said the name as “So-Crates” and that it was, you know, funny.  He could groove to that: in his mind stupidity is a sin but deliberate stupidity, rather than becoming a mortal sin, is actually fine.

My husband said something about other names that were similar, like Sophocles and Euripedes, and that’s when I got myself in trouble and said “Testikles.”

(Keeping in mind that, as Gary Corby points out — or maybe it should be Gary Korby — all these names are more properly written with a K. But if you swap in an incorrect C…well…)

Back when I was in college, my friend Jenny invented a boyfriend named Testikles Pook. She’s immortalized in my heart because whenever I hear a name ending in “ease” I immediately think of Mr. Pook, and now you will too. Thank me later.

Even as the word came out of my mouth, my Patient Husband rolled his eyes, but Kiddo#1 laughed out loud. And that’s when I realized my foul mouth had gotten me in trouble. Or, more accurately, I’d gotten myself in trouble.

Later I said, “I can’t believe he caught that,” and the Kiddo called from two rooms away, “Of course I caught that! I wish I hadn’t!”

I guess your mom isn’t supposed to tell off-color jokes. Oh well. I’ve entered that season of my life where I need to be careful about such things.

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About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
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8 Responses to My mouth got me in trouble

  1. Teresa says:

    HAHAHA!! Try being the Mom walking your four year old into PreK (at Catholic school, no less) as she sings “Rye whiskey, rye whiskey, rye whiskey I cry, if I don’t get rye whiskey, well I think I may die.” Yeah. Thankfully I’ve since gotten her to move on to The Hockey Song.

    • philangelus says:

      ROTFLOL! That’s awesome!

      Kiddo#1, still of a tender enough age to sit in the rack of the grocery store cart, looked at me once and sang,
      “For the life of me
      I cannot believe
      we’d ever die for these sins.
      We were merely freshmen.”

      I groaned. They’re never listening until you wish they weren’t.

  2. cricketB says:

    Hey, it’s better quality ribald humour than they hear in the playground.

  3. K.M. Weiland says:

    Forget out of the mouth of babes. How about the ears? Thanks for the chuckle.

  4. Gary Corby says:

    I’m totally calling a character Testikles if I ever get a chance. Unfortunately it wasn’t an ancient Greek name – I have an extensive database and I just searched it very carefully – but I can imagine someone who is pretending to be Greek using it by mistake.

    If it’s any compensation, I used to sing Maxwell’s Silver Hammer by Paul McCartney to my daughters when they were toddlers. The song’s about a mass murderer. People looked at me somewhat askance, but the girls loved it because it sounds like a nursery rhyme. I had to stop when I noticed they began to recognize the words.

  5. Funny! I’ll have to tell my husband that one!

  6. capt_cardor says:

    Then there is the old joke, “Eurpides pants, Eumendides pants”.

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