I’ve already said on here that I don’t think May 21st is going to be the Rapture. In fact, I don’t believe there will be a Rapture at all. Therefore let’s assume Saturday comes and I get Raptured. That’s pretty much the way my life goes. About a week later, my name gets called on the divine judgment docket, and I step into the chamber with my angelic legal defense.
Jesus: I’m looking over the records, and it appears you’re not making it into Heaven after all.
Me: What? But…I got raptured! I even got rapture pre-certified!
Jesus: It appears you owe the Angelborough Public Library $163.24.
Me: I do not!
Jesus: I’m seeing you still had eight library books and four videos in your house at the moment your family got taken, and, well, fines accrue. Then in the resulting cataclysm, your home got destroyed, so you owe the replacement value.
Angelic Defender: I believe you had a little voice in your head telling you not to borrow books from the library so close to the Earth’s due date. In fact, you even posted a blog about it on May 19th.
Me: ::brain boggles::
Jesus: Did you make arrangements with one of your neighbors to return your library books if you got raptured?
Me: No, but I did insist the angels take my cats.
Jesus: And I appreciate that, although one of them keeps coming to me at about six o’clock in the morning with a mournful stare until I feed her.
Me: Tell me about it.
Jesus: The public library is a worthy institution, and by checking out library books so close to the Rapture, you denied others their rightful access to those books.
Me: Are you telling me someone’s soul could have been saved by reading Mr. Putter And Tabby Take The Train?
Jesus: Are you telling me someone’s soul couldn’t?
Me: And you seriously wanted me to approach one of my neighbors and say “Hey, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? No? Oh, good, because I’ll need you to return my library books on Monday before He consumes the world in a burning holocaust”? You have got to be kidding.
Jesus: Do I look like the kidding type?
Me: I seriously hope so.
Jesus: Yeah, I kind of am.
Me: I kind of am too, because like I said before (and I keep saying) I don’t think the Rapture is supported by the Bible, and I’m in good company on that. Matthew 24:36 says no one will know the day or the hour it all comes down, and therefore it always pays to act like decent people, be charitable to one another, and be ready to open the books to go over everything with God.
But not overdue library books. Not really.