I’m thrilled to spread the word that Dunkin Donuts is helping Christians to have a good Lent. In the wake of Advent’s “Locust and Wild Honey” flavored muffin, one of their Lenten offerings is the Penitential Donut.
This offering is specially directed toward those living in the world but not of the world. Here you are, on Ash Wednesday, wanting to fast, yet you have a staff meeting in the morning. Your team leader always provides yummy donuts, and refusing your usual donut will create uncomfortable questions in the workplace, calling attention to your fast. Tough dilemma. Well, Dunkin Donuts has the solution.
The Penitential Donut is made with no sugar and no oil, but plenty of whole-grain dust, and frosted with a thick coating of ashes. It is guaranteed that you will spend five minutes chewing every bite before being able to swallow it. With any luck, you may actually be chewing the same donut from Ash Wednesday until Good Friday. Instead of a paper napkin, it comes with a square of sack cloth.
Bring a Penitential Donut to work on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday, and as Jesus directed in Matthew 6:16, no one will notice that you are fasting, provided you don’t gag after your fourth minute of masticating.
For that extra dose of penance, they suggest you also avail yourself of an Ash Wednesday latte, brewed from the burnt coffee grounds remaining from last Palm Sunday.
Enjoy, and happy repenting!