The best way to eat an Oreo

I tell people (joking, but with an absolute deadpan) that there’s only one way to eat an Oreo correctly, and that I refuse to consort with people who don’t eat it right.

For the record, my own Patient Husband eats Oreos differently than I do, but I want to be ridiculously, inflexibly dogmatic about something, and this was the least offensive thing I could pick. It’s unlikely to start a civil war, for example, or get me booted off my parenting forum.

I did say that to my guardian angel once, and a few weeks later, when at a party faced with this:

I heard in my head, “Be sure to eat that correctly,” and I giggled.

Last night, my kids grabbed the box of minty Oreos my mother had given me (she has to feed me, it’s one of those Italian things, and she knows I don’t buy them for myself) and declared them dessert. After I handed out the proper dosage, I said solemnly, “Remember to eat them correctly.”

Kiddo#1 missed his Patient Father’s patient eyeroll and said, “How’s that?”

I said, “You remove the top and expose all the filling, then eat the top first.”

I was about to say, “And then scrape off the filling with your teeth” when Kiddo#2 piped up cheerfully, “And you eat the filling last.”

She had somehow peeled off the entire minty green filling and laid it on the table so she could eat the bottom cookie.

We laughed for about two minutes. Then I discovered I too could peel off the minty filling. (I’m not sure why I could: maybe it’s less sticky than the traditional filling.)

And so I relented on my Dogmatic Thing and ate an Oreo wrong.

Forgive me, Father, for I have munched.

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About philangelus

Mom, freelance writer, novelist, angelphile, Catholic, know-it-all.
This entry was posted in food, kiddos, sarcasm. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to The best way to eat an Oreo

  1. Funny, Philangelus, this gave me a good laugh even if you don’t know the correct way to eat oreos! Your angel was trying to tell you that you are not eating them correctly! You misunderstood! Nobody eats the top cookie first! You open the oreo, scrape the filling with your teeth and then dip the cookies in milk. You need lessons, girl 😉

    Ha! I loved the – “Forgive me Father for I have munched.”

  2. Diinzumo says:

    I prefer food you can eat a variety of ways. There are three ways to eat an Oreo and four ways to eat a peanut M&M. I sort eating method by color.

    • philangelus says:

      I have my own method of eating M&Ms too, actually, but I’m not as dogmatic about that. What are four ways to eat a peanut M&M?

      I do have a method of eating Smarties (the sugary kind not the chocolate kind) which involves eating only candies that are touching another candy of the same color. Only when you’re deadlocked can you eat the randoms that are touching different colors. (Not dogmatic about that either, and I’m aware this is a little strange.)

      • Diinzumo says:

        Here are the methods, by color:

        Red and blue: Eat whole.

        Yellow: Let the candy coating and the chocolate melt in your mouth, then eat the peanut.

        Green: Bite it hard enough to break the shell, then suck all the chocolate out.

        Brown and orange: Bite in half, then crunch the chocolate and shell together. Eat the peanut last.

        Special colors: Enjoy at your discretion.

        Never eat more than one at a time.

        • philangelus says:

          With regular M&Ms, I use the Yellow Method, devised by necessity in high school when we were not allowed to eat during class but I, flaming rebel that I was during my teens, would do so. I think that’s how they taste best, after the shell has nearly dissolved and suddenly gives way and you get the lovely chocolately goodness.

          I think the Brown-Orange method would take more oral dexterity than I have.

  3. Snicker! And I don’t mean the candy bar! You’re such a smarty pants!

    I never heard of chocolate smarties.

    • philangelus says:

      Apparently they’re this British thing that’s a bit like M&Ms. I’ve had them once.

      • cricketB says:

        Huh? Smarties in Canada (and the US, since we get their ads) are chocolate covered by a candy shell.

      • Ken Rolph says:

        M&Ms are just smaller Smarties. We get both in Australia. There’s something about eating blue Smarties last, but I can’t remember what it is.

        Your picture seems to be a pile of Delta Cream biscuits. You have to open these by twisting them like a jar lid and scraping out the cream with your teeth.

        A better thing for kids parties is to let them drink hot chocolate through Tim Tams. Just bite the ends off and use them like straws. Who says you can have too much chocolate.

        • Cricket says:

          When you eat your Smarties,
          Do you eat the red ones last?
          Do you suck them very slowly,
          Or crunch them very fast?
          Eat that candy-coated chocolate,
          But tell me when I ask,
          When you eat your Smarties,
          Do you eat the red ones last?

          ***

          Smarties taste gross. M&M’s are yummy. That’s the truth and I’m sticking to it, no matter what the rest of my family says. (I look on the bright side — it’s easier to stick to my diet after Daddy takes them shopping.)

  4. philangelus says:

    These things are the good non-chocolate ones:

    • cricketB says:

      No, those are Rockets, my husband’s favourite (and my least-favourite) at Halloween. (Except after a roll or two he remembers they’re best in moderation.)

    • Blue says:

      Those are SweetTarts where I am. 😀

      I agree with you about Smarties, though. Back in the dark ages when I was a kid, they used to taste exactly like M&Ms. And I always ate them according to colour patterns. Now they taste funny.

      Maybe that’s what happens when you eat them out of sync. 😛

      • Ken Rolph says:

        I don’t think much of the sweet stuff today tastes like itself of yesterday, and that’s not an illusion. The older companies were run by people who were interested in a good eating experience and used basic ingredients like milk, flour, sugar and eggs. Today most of the companies have been bought out by larger concerns where the principal’s main concern is financial projecting. The ingredients are mock sugar and various frankenfood ingredients. These are also likely to be a lot cheaper.

  5. Pingback: I’ll take “things that are not food” for $200, Hal. « Seven angels, four kids, one family

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